writing.

i have been starting to have a bunch of off days lately, and then days where my nomad kicks in and tells me to go home and pack and take myself to the airport. i am such a runner. it doesn't matter what i have going for me, it could either be horrible or the best thing ever, once i get the urge to run its like i have to follow threw. except this time i am actually trying really hard to stick it out and push threw. hoping the feeling of running will go away. i know that this is my own personal blog and i can say whatever i want, but i feel like i can't. i don't know, i am going to start actually writing things down in a notebook, basically everything that is on my mind that never goes away, hopefully that way i can actually start to feel like i am breathing again. as much as i hated going to a therapist when i was a teenager, i kind of really wish i would of stuck it out, maybe then i wouldn't be so fucking unstable in everything, maybe i would be such a horrible person, or maybe just maybe i would be able to fully committee or at least attempt to trust some body new in my life. i really do feel bad for the new people in my life, because they can never figure me out, and then once they try, i only let them get a taste of who i really am, and all they learn is that i am a horrible bitch that doesn't trust anyone and that has been screwed over way to many times to keep counting. god i need the beach, the beach is my only safe haven, i need my safe haven.